Stress
Disclaimer: Sensitive topic ahead. I'm bound to offend people on both sides of the ocean.
When I moved to Copenhagen I laughed at the Danish concept of "stress leave". In Denmark, in addition to physical illnesses, emotional illnesses like stress, are also recognized as a legitimate reason to be granted an extended sick leave or sygeorlov. Danes, on average, work 37 hours a week. How stressed can they be? I laughed. I didn't laugh quietly to myself, I laughed out loud. Nice work, Nora. Way to be culturally sensitive. Well, it may have taken two years but now I'm starting to get it.
First of all, allow me to point out that only 8.7% of Danes experience stress often (and fewer than that take stress leave) while 75% of the NYC population are stressed out so Danes must be doing something right. For all of the snickering I've done about "stress leave" I like the fact Danes distinguish stress. They identify it as a problem and look to remedy it in a finite period of time and go back to their healthy lives rather than my typical American belief that having heightened levels of stress often is normal.
Beyond this, I think there are three differences between Copenhagen and New York that make "stress leave" a legitimate thing here. Spoiler alert: All three come down to the fact that our cultures interpret things differently.
First, New York is known for being a crazy place where people work too much and most of the population is stressed out. Denmark is known for having strong work/life balance and some of the happiest people in the world. There are different expectations of what your lifestyle will be like from the onset. Perception is reality and as they say it's all relative.
Second, in New York stress happens by external factors that most people believe to be outside of your control. In Copenhagen stress is is largely perceived as the byproduct of you not managing your time well. In New York we (rightly;)) blame the system. In Copenhagen the onus is on the individual to get it together. In New York since everyone is stressed out it becomes a topic of conversation.
Meeting up with friends for 'martini Mondays' in New York would undoubtedly begin with everyone venting about the impossible demands on their time and expectations to deliver. There is a sense of camaraderie in sharing our stress. Conversely, in Copenhagen, we meet for coffee (since weekday happy hours happen approximately never) and we decompress over a chat about recent vacations and delicious meals. In Copenhagen, stress is not a conversation topic. It is something you handle yourself.
Third, the difference that has impacted me the most is that in Copenhagen, given that people work fewer hours, there is a social expectation that you have a cornucopia of unique and highly developed personal interests and hobbies including but absolutely not limited to a competitive sport like distance running or volleyball. In New York you work and you work and then you drink to decompress from work while checking work email under the table and then you try to squeeze in a workout to have some 'me time'. Given the emphasis on work/life balance in Denmark there is an expectation for more and better 'me time'. Let me share some examples:
-In Copenhagen I am surrounded by people who know what they're passionate about and go after it in their 'me time' - I know multiple who have produced film documentaries and written books in their free time!
-In New York there are more working hours and endless distractions that prevent you from considering things from the inside out. In Copenhagen I have had the space and perspective to get to know myself and what I enjoy doing in my free time. As I've discussed with expat girlfriends, I think I know myself better now than could have been possible in my previous life.
-In New York my goal was to workout three times per week. Now I aim to work out five times per week and it's not just about working out; it's about getting better.
-In New York my work calendar was so booked that I avoided making personal commitments. In Copenhagen my weekends are booked full of fun events from now until October. I have become a planner and I love it!
-In New York I couldn't find the time to learn a new skill. In Copenhagen, I take regular Danish classes and keep a blog!
-In New York I never cooked for myself and I hosted friends for dinner a couple times a year. In Copenhagen, I cook for myself multiple times per week and I host dinner parties a couple times per month.
-In New York I struggled to find the time to contribute to volunteer organizations while in Copenhagen it has become a regular occurrence.
But here's the catch - I am more busy than I've ever been and it's not due to 60+ hour work weeks - it's a long list of other stuff. And what gives you stress isn't what you're doing, it's what you're not doing that you think you should. It's the list of things you think you should be accomplishing that has been left untouched. In New York it was easier to let myself off the hook when my list of personal things went untouched. Who did I think I was wanting to host a white party in Central Park anyway?
It is the expectation for more quantity and quality in 'me time' that I believe sees many Danes 'go down with stress' and that found me feeling stressed last week (while on vacation!). Stress comes from a mismatch in what you expect and what is possible to complete. I believe that Danes have a higher expectation for what they should be accomplishing in their free time and this, on top of work and family demands, becomes a big contributor to their stress.
Again, under 10% of Danes experience stress often so this is far from an epidemic. Yet since stress is not commonplace and there isn't a social support structure (i.e. 'martini Mondays';)) for it, Denmark sees the need for public structures to identify, prevent and manage stress. That solution is stress leave. I'm starting to get it but given I haven't taken a sick day in recorded history I don't imagine I'll be starting any time soon.
When I moved to Copenhagen I laughed at the Danish concept of "stress leave". In Denmark, in addition to physical illnesses, emotional illnesses like stress, are also recognized as a legitimate reason to be granted an extended sick leave or sygeorlov. Danes, on average, work 37 hours a week. How stressed can they be? I laughed. I didn't laugh quietly to myself, I laughed out loud. Nice work, Nora. Way to be culturally sensitive. Well, it may have taken two years but now I'm starting to get it.
First of all, allow me to point out that only 8.7% of Danes experience stress often (and fewer than that take stress leave) while 75% of the NYC population are stressed out so Danes must be doing something right. For all of the snickering I've done about "stress leave" I like the fact Danes distinguish stress. They identify it as a problem and look to remedy it in a finite period of time and go back to their healthy lives rather than my typical American belief that having heightened levels of stress often is normal.
Beyond this, I think there are three differences between Copenhagen and New York that make "stress leave" a legitimate thing here. Spoiler alert: All three come down to the fact that our cultures interpret things differently.
First, New York is known for being a crazy place where people work too much and most of the population is stressed out. Denmark is known for having strong work/life balance and some of the happiest people in the world. There are different expectations of what your lifestyle will be like from the onset. Perception is reality and as they say it's all relative.
Second, in New York stress happens by external factors that most people believe to be outside of your control. In Copenhagen stress is is largely perceived as the byproduct of you not managing your time well. In New York we (rightly;)) blame the system. In Copenhagen the onus is on the individual to get it together. In New York since everyone is stressed out it becomes a topic of conversation.
Meeting up with friends for 'martini Mondays' in New York would undoubtedly begin with everyone venting about the impossible demands on their time and expectations to deliver. There is a sense of camaraderie in sharing our stress. Conversely, in Copenhagen, we meet for coffee (since weekday happy hours happen approximately never) and we decompress over a chat about recent vacations and delicious meals. In Copenhagen, stress is not a conversation topic. It is something you handle yourself.
Third, the difference that has impacted me the most is that in Copenhagen, given that people work fewer hours, there is a social expectation that you have a cornucopia of unique and highly developed personal interests and hobbies including but absolutely not limited to a competitive sport like distance running or volleyball. In New York you work and you work and then you drink to decompress from work while checking work email under the table and then you try to squeeze in a workout to have some 'me time'. Given the emphasis on work/life balance in Denmark there is an expectation for more and better 'me time'. Let me share some examples:
-In Copenhagen I am surrounded by people who know what they're passionate about and go after it in their 'me time' - I know multiple who have produced film documentaries and written books in their free time!
-In New York there are more working hours and endless distractions that prevent you from considering things from the inside out. In Copenhagen I have had the space and perspective to get to know myself and what I enjoy doing in my free time. As I've discussed with expat girlfriends, I think I know myself better now than could have been possible in my previous life.
-In New York my goal was to workout three times per week. Now I aim to work out five times per week and it's not just about working out; it's about getting better.
 |
| Yoga at The Shard |
-In New York I couldn't find the time to learn a new skill. In Copenhagen, I take regular Danish classes and keep a blog!
-In New York I never cooked for myself and I hosted friends for dinner a couple times a year. In Copenhagen, I cook for myself multiple times per week and I host dinner parties a couple times per month.
 |
| Bachelorette tea party for Celine |
But here's the catch - I am more busy than I've ever been and it's not due to 60+ hour work weeks - it's a long list of other stuff. And what gives you stress isn't what you're doing, it's what you're not doing that you think you should. It's the list of things you think you should be accomplishing that has been left untouched. In New York it was easier to let myself off the hook when my list of personal things went untouched. Who did I think I was wanting to host a white party in Central Park anyway?
It is the expectation for more quantity and quality in 'me time' that I believe sees many Danes 'go down with stress' and that found me feeling stressed last week (while on vacation!). Stress comes from a mismatch in what you expect and what is possible to complete. I believe that Danes have a higher expectation for what they should be accomplishing in their free time and this, on top of work and family demands, becomes a big contributor to their stress.
Again, under 10% of Danes experience stress often so this is far from an epidemic. Yet since stress is not commonplace and there isn't a social support structure (i.e. 'martini Mondays';)) for it, Denmark sees the need for public structures to identify, prevent and manage stress. That solution is stress leave. I'm starting to get it but given I haven't taken a sick day in recorded history I don't imagine I'll be starting any time soon.
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